ASK ANNIE

When Criticism Is Better Than Praise
Try to see negative feedback as free coaching, not a personal attack.
By Anne Fisher

"I've worked with many interns over the years, and have witnessed them become literally crushed by constructive criticism," writes graphic designer Kathleen Wise, in response to my request in last week's column for tales from readers of how negative feedback has actually helped their careers. "I try to tell them that someday they will actually welcome it. One thing I say that stops them in their tracks: The criticism is always sincere. The praise is not." Too true! Early in my own career, I had one editor who told me that everything I did was flawless and fantastic—great for the ego, but I was more than a little deflated to realize, later on, that he heaped phony praise on everybody, so what good was it? The editors who tore my stuff to shreds, on the other hand, did me the bigger favor by taking the time to show me where I was going astray.

Many thanks to all who wrote to share their experiences with constructive criticism. A sampling of comments:

Sheila C. : "Recently a co-worker let me know that I speak to people in a condescending manner. It was difficult for me to take at first, but I realized she was honestly trying to help me. Afterward, I started listening to myself (something I hadn't been doing) and I realized she was right. It's helped me relate better to my boss and to other co-workers. It's also helped my relationship with my adult daughter. It's amazing how much we talk, and how little we listen to ourselves."

Akshay K.: "Many moons ago I was a brand manager, and a senior executive who was not even my direct boss told me that I needed to get better at dealing with my advertising agency more effectively—giving them more 'TLC'—and keeping many balls in the air at the same time. I did improve in both these areas and that has definitely helped my career."

Faith A.: "A number of years ago, I had a manager who gave me a rather hefty performance review, with a lot of examples of my behavior to back up her concerns. I had just been promoted to a fairly high technical level, so she was trying to wake me up to the fact that the new position carried with it some significantly higher expectations in the area of working with other people.... At first glance, I was stunned, but I took that review to heart.... That was in 1997 and I still pull that review out from time to time and read through it, to see if I'm doing okay against it. I believe that had that manager not done that for me, and had I not taken it as the help it was meant to be, I wouldn't be in the management position I'm in today."

These stories bring to mind something Pete Winemiller, head of customer relations for the Seattle Sonics, said to me in an interview a couple of months back. We were talking about customer complaints and how his organization responds to them, and he said: "I love customer complaints! They tell us what we need to improve! They're like free consulting!" Constructive criticism at work is like free career coaching. It can teach you what an executive coach would charge you hundreds or thousands of dollars to learn about yourself. So why not take advantage of it?

But what if, as many of you have noted in your e-mails, some bosses aren't adept at articulating exactly what needs fixing? Ah, well, that's where it may help to do a little skillful managing upward. "My boss goes on and on about what he doesn't like about something I've done, in a whiny tone, rather than saying what he'd like me to do about it," writes a reader named Penny. Her response: "I say, 'How about if I do X, or change this project by taking these other steps?' That seems to work, because it lets him know I've heard him, and gives me something concrete to work on." Well done!

Send questions to askannie@fortunemail.com.