Dear Annie:
I've had it. At two different holiday parties this past week—one an office party where I work, and the other an annual cocktail bash at the home of a major client--several people have come up to me and bent my ear with tales of how their job search is going. Mind you, these are people I don't even know all that well, although I used to like them. A couple of them even whipped out copies of their resumes, which I really don't think is appropriate. I know the holidays are considered to be the Olympics of networking, but could you please elucidate some guidelines for the clueless folks who don't seem to realize that they are just being obnoxious?
—San Francisco Scrooge

Dear SFS:
Yikes. Hey, relax and have a swig of eggnog and a cookie, would you? No doubt these hapless partygoers are annoying, but they may just be trying to make the best of an all-too-rare opportunity to catch you in an unguarded moment. That said, Bernadette Kenny, executive vice president of outplacement and career-development giant Lee Hecht Harrison (http://www.lhh.com), agrees with you. Bringing a stack of resumes to hand out at a holiday fete is a definite faux pas. As you note, pushing too hard is usually unwise and self-defeating.

Take, for instance, the little matter of holiday greeting cards. "Sending cards is a natural way of reconnecting with people you've known over the years," says Kenny. "And, no matter how long since you last spoke to an old friend or acquaintance, the holidays offer a no-risk excuse to call, catch up, and offer good wishes for the New Year." Great, but Kenny tells job seekers to take heed: "A sure way to put people off is to include a letter with your holiday cards talking about your job search or the kind of work you're looking for." And, for that matter, don't start yakking about your job search in a phone call that was ostensibly just to say, "Merry Christmas."

By all means, Kenny says, anyone looking for work should go to as many year-end parties, community gatherings, and trade-association meetings as his schedule allows, but don't turn a festive occasion into an obvious job-search activity. "Go with the purpose of enjoying old friends and meeting new people," she says, "so you're in a position to pursue a serious networking call in the New Year."

Here are a few more of Kenny's do's and don'ts for professional holiday gatherings:

• Do act professionally and dress conservatively, or at least not outrageously, as you may meet future colleagues or hiring managers.

• Do briefly update friends about your situation. "Emphasize what's been positive about your job search, like interesting people you've met or new perspectives you've gained on your career goals."

• Do talk about business in general, what's happening in your industry, and what you contributed to your organization (present or former) during the year.

• Don't gripe about lack of salary increases, poor morale, lousy leadership, or other bad stuff going on at a current or former employer.

• Don't go on and on in eye-glazing detail about your job search.

• Don't complain about how long it takes to find a job, the level of jobs available, or about how companies are being too demanding, too stingy, or what-have-you. Nobody likes a whiner, especially at a party.

• Don't hand out resumes.

"Most important, don't pin all your job-search hopes on holiday-related activities," says Kenny. "Job hunters need to keep up the daily routine of researching companies, making calls, and sending out resumes." Typically, corporate budgets are drawn up in the fall, with the funds dispensed in January, so "many companies are identifying candidates and interviewing through the end of December. Those who maintain their job search on all cylinders during the holidays are in the best position to take advantage of the hiring cycle."

Scrooge, I hope this gives you some clue as to how people should behave at office, but if you notice people flagrantly flouting these rules, I hope you'll be kind anyway. Surely, you can summon up some holiday spirit. After all, you may be job hunting yourself one day.